Holding Out for a Hero

"Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
Where's the street wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?"
-- Bonnie Tyler, Holding Out For a Hero

Going cheesy old school with y'all on this quote today. But while sitting out in the sun reading, I came across this line in Stephen King's Dark Tower V (Wolves of the Calla): "Eddie thought that Calvin Tower was, in the words of the song, holding out for a hero." And something told me: Get up. Time to write.

So I came back outside with a spiral-bound, college-ruled notebook (what makes blue lines closer together on a white page "college-ruled" anyway?) and a brown Sharpie. And here we are.

I always thought this song was about a woman pining for the Ultimate Man. After all: "HE's gotta be strong; HE's gotta be fast; HE's gotta be fresh from the fight." She wants a savior, right?

No.

In fact, in the very beginning - the quote I opened with above - she doesn't ever even mention a real man. She mentions gods and mythological figures. White knight saviors and whatnot. A hero to save that doesn't really exist? Please.

She needs to be her own hero.

If you remember back, think of when the song is even played in "Footloose." Country boys playing chicken with tractors? Really? Hero much? No.

Now, there are heroes - every day heroes in our lives, like our firemen, policemen and military. There are heroes to our children, like the baseball stars who take the time to actually autograph the game ball and light up their faces. And there are heroes in our every day lives: those who take the time to wish us a good morning, or call us when they know we're having a bad day. Folks who bring you a cupcake for no reason, or take that extra shift from you at work when you really want to be with your family instead.

I think the "woman" in the song can't find her hero because she doesn't realize she's her own. And she doesn't realize she is also someone else's.

A woman at work and I were talking the other day about whether true altruism exists. Because, I do think most folks want to do good and make others happy. But do we not also want to see the results of our actions? To see their faces alight, to see their change in mood? Because it gives us pleasure to make others happy. And as it should. But are our actions altruistic if we also feel happy and good about ourselves by doing them?

If true altruism doesn't exist, I'm very okay with that. How is that a bad thing anyway? Because if an act of nicety - being someone's hero however small - results in not only one person being happy, but two? Well, then. Mission accomplished x 2.

Friends, I say go on out this week and be a hero to someone. Wait for that hero if you need it, but be one of your own in the meantime for someone else who needs it, too. In that way, you are your own hero. And more that amazing for it.

"Outstanding."






Out at Happy Hour with two co-workers and a long-time friend this past week, I was challenged to write a blog on a quote that is really just one word: "Outstanding."

The reason why? Apparently, I say it All The Time. This actually took me aback. I had no idea I did. Folks have told me I say other silly things often. I say "wicked" a lot ("what the hell- are you from *Boston?!*) or "cool beans." But...Outstanding? I looked around the table and the nods told me yes. Huh. I had no idea.

So, being me (and a dirty martini in), I accepted the challenge without the slightest idea how I would do it. A blog on Outstanding would be a it! And my first thought after: you mean, as opposed to Standing Out?

And then it formed.

Outstanding, indeed. It really does mean "standing out." And the linguist in me now wants to research that. When did that happen? When did that swap in words happen (surely not in the English language?) that the meaning of two words - standing out - become one, only swapped? But, as usual, I digress and will move on.

I don't know when I picked up on that word or how often I use it. ("Um, a LOT, Stacy.") But, upon reflection now, I think it must be fairly recent and I think it must be how I feel about life right now, especially if I've been using it pretty subconsciously without even realizing it.

So what's outstanding about life? Oh, I can name the obvious: I love my home. I love my housemates. I even love my job (rare these days, I know!). My family is killer. My friends are amazing. I'm currently sitting in the sun, nursing a drink, listening to iTunes on an iPod I was told should have died years ago (by a site called iPod Death Clock that, unfortunately, no longer works). Sure, life is outstanding (and, yes, I purposely left out the love life)... but am I Standing Out?

I'd have to say: No. And I haven't quite figured out if that's a good thing or not. I'm leaning toward yes. These days, I play my cards close to my (small but proportionate) chest. Oh, you know how I'll feel about things if you ask me. But if you don't? I've turned into that Surveying Leo.

I'm a Leo through and through. Whatever you believe in that, whether you give it credence or not, I find it fun. And I do kind of believe. As a Christian, I do. And it does coincide perfectly: God did create the heavens, did He not? But, again, a story for another day. I am a Leo in my sun, my moon and my Venus (Aquarius rising for folks who know what that means). And there are two types of Leos: the Center of Attention (Standing Out?) and the surveyors.

I've become the latter recently without even realizing.

Without even realizing it, at some point I decided not to be Standing Out anymore and instead, just let my life be Outstanding.

And it made me realize. Outstanding cannot be created. Standing Out can. That's active. You can Stand Out in an active way. You can only let life BE OUTSTANDING in a passive way. And, for once? I love the passive way.

Pause. Back off. And just let your life be Outstanding, my friends.

“The joker ain't the only fool who'll do anything for you.” - Juice Newton, “Queen of Hearts”




As a disclaimer up front? I’m the fool in this scenario. But it’s not a bad thing.

In the ages of Kings and Courts, the Jester (the Fool) was really the most clever of folks. He had to capture attention and entertain. He was the clever one, making the king laugh and forget his troubles. He was The Entertainment and was revered. Don’t mistake a fool for a stupid person. The biggest fool you know is the most clever person you know. As soon as you realize that and get “in” with him? You’re golden, my friends. There’s a reason Jokers Are Wild, my friends. It’s not by accident. Those folks are wily and clever and brilliant.

Unfortunately, I? Ha. Am not that fool. Since it’s my blog, I’d love to say I was. Oh! I’m clever, I am! I’m astute. And I know things y’all don’t. Hee. Funny. But no.

Because, in reference to the quote, I’m a fool for love, not for life. Which makes me silly and naïve and perhaps juvenile and even stupid. But I kinda like that.

So here’s where that love thing comes in.

At 38, I finally learned to love myself. And that’s a story for another day. THIS story is about the loves I’ve had in my life. Who I was a fool for, each in their own turn. And I don’t regret each one.

The first one happened in college. He introduced me to the Grateful Dead and inspired me to get SCUBA certified. I have no clue where he is today. And even though some folks would say “you don’t know real love at twenty years old,” at the time, I thought it was. And so it is.

After moving to Atlanta, I dated a guy and I would call that love too. Not the same as the previous, of course (I’m 6 years older now at this point) and not the same way I’d define it now. But at the time, I was in love.

Which means it WAS.

Folks, if it doesn’t work out? It wasn’t NOT love. If you’re married to the love of your life now, it doesn’t mean the love you felt for someone a half a decade ago wasn’t. It was. It’s….just *changed* now. And that’s good. We should change as we grow. But I digress.

And I’ll digress again (for a brief moment). It really honestly pisses me off when folks say, after a break-up, that it “must not have been love.” Really? Why NOT? It was. At the time? It WAS>

My most recent “love” (there are actually 4 total so far in my life if anyone’s counting; hopefully 5 will be The It. Again, disgression) totally threw me for a loop. I was ready; he was not. He went there first and I followed. But two years gone now, I realize that he didn’t mean to hurt me. It just happened.

I’m a big believer in that. I’ve actually, in the past year, been able to put safely to bed (300 thread count sheets and all – bless, Shell!) that most of my loves are now people I still feel dearly about and want the best for.

The one in college? The first? Still hoping he’ll pop up on Facebook someday so we can reconnect and I can be happy for him about his SCUBA-diving career and wife and 3.2 kids. The one I dated recently after arriving here? I got closure very recently. Hadn’t seen him for two years (and the last time I did? Yeah. That’s another story for another day) and a couple weeks ago saw him again and all is By the Way of the Beam now. That means good. The last? Well….still waiting. We’ll see.

But that brings me back to what I said earlier. I love myself now. I WANT to be able to say that I still love all my old loves still, even if I’m not still in love with them. I’m 3 for 4. There’s still one left. Who I might still be a fool for, like the quote says. But I kinda like being a fool for someone….as long as I’m not fooling myself.

The English Girl Loves Her Words.

“Through their own words, they will be exposed.” - Sinead O’Conner, “Emperor’s New Clothes”



I’ve never been a huge Sinead O’Conner fan. She’s gorgeous and talented and has an amazing voice. But at the time I listened to her (waaaay back when, not going to purposely age myself by telling you exactly here), and her hit song was “Nothing Compares 2 U,” my favorite of hers was actually “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” I disagreed with her political and religious views, but I can still appreciate that she had talent. So back to the fable.

First: LOVE that fable. It’s about a completely narcissistic man who believed what any of his followers would tell him. It helped me deal with narcissistic men (and women) in my life… but, again, that’s a story for another day. It also made me understand that everyone – including myself – is narcissistic sometimes, in some ways. It’s not necessarily a bad thing…. If you realize it for what it is.

So today’s entry goes back to that quote. The last time I had a blog, it was the header. Because, honestly? It’s ridiculously simple and ridiculously true. People say actions speak louder than words? Ha. I disagree. Your words speak volume. Their words speak volumes. IF you know how to listen.

*I* read folks by their words, not by their actions. Crazy, huh? But think about it.

We’re taught (at least as women) that saying “I love you” is just words: Look at the actions instead, ladies! Okay, there’s something to that, in a way. But I also think it's bullshit.

I was talking with my cousin earlier tonight and I mentioned to her in our marathon call (for me- 90 minutes!) that my dad could never say “I’m sorry” when I was growing up. And I learned that behavior. I never said it for years. I’d try to make up for it in actions instead: being kind or loving, doing little things to try to make up for it in actions.

Why not just SAY THE WORDS?

Because, through our words, we are exposed. They make us vulnerable. They make us human. And it’s *so much harder to say the words than to do an action to represent the word.*

Sure, when someone loves me, I want them to show it. But I also want them to say it. Why are *words* discounted these days? Why don’t they mean anything anymore?

Maybe because my passion is words. I write. I edit. I speak. I teach. The written word is amazing to me. But the SPOKEN word is glorious. For centuries and generations, the spoken stories passed down from generation to generation was what was real. Even when there was no written language, spoken language was the way to pass on culture, faith, emotions and religion.

So why are actions “more important” now than words? In my world? They’re not.

Stop thinking actions mean more than words. Open your mind and listen to WORDS.

“When the right person knocks, be ready to open the door.”


I’m paraphrasing now because I was idiot enough to lose the exact quote (I'll get better at this as I go along, friends. I promise). But it stuck with me, and here it is, even if I have to take liberties with it.

This came from a woman I admired the instant I met her. When I took a job up in Marietta a couple years ago, a place that had to eventually lay me off (a fact I took well enough when the owner cried when he did it and now turned out the best thing that ever happened to me career-wise), she was the one I admired on the spot.

Oh! I was so intimidated by Sharon. She is talented. Classy. Educated. Someone I classified as the “typical Southern spitfire of a lady” though, if I remember correctly, she may not even be from here originally? But, oh! From day one I wanted her to realize that I knew my job and was a good, intelligent woman too (just like her, I hoped?)! Thus, the intimidation. And respect.

If she’s reading this now, I think she might even be amazed I felt that way. I always played that cool, of course. At that place of employment, I KNEW I could do my job. I knew I could do it well. No – scratch that: more than well! But I didn’t care if my boss, my boss’s son, or any of the other folks there appreciated my talent or not. I did her. Sharon's opinion was what mattered.

Why? That's another story for another day.

But today? I’m kinda really lucky that Ms. Sharon and I are still friends on Facebook now. And that we chatted in private messages the other day. See, the thing is? She recently took a chance on an old love without any preconceived notions of where it was going to go – and because of that, it’s working. And when I goo’ed and gushed, thrilled for her (the things of movies, this is!), and lamented for myself(not because I don't think it'll happen: it will. I just want it to more sooner than later. I have a blog now, afterall!) She gave me those words:

“When the right person knocks, just be sure to open the door.”


I'm keeping it unlocked.



(BTW? The picture is a rock I found. In that exact shape. Dorothy Gale Red made it what it is today.)

“So many people live life searching for happiness but never really find it because they’re so busy looking ahead and forgetting to stay in the moment.”

With my friend Lila’s words in her last blog entry, I am now inspired to actually begin mine. And I mean really begin mine, not pop off a couple entries every couple of months ago and call it a blog.

I just finished following a year of her life as she moved out of Atlanta, westward to Oregon, and have been incredibly envious of her in so many ways. Not for the moving so much (though, oh! That’s a story for another day), but mostly because she had REASON TO WRITE. Oh, was I envious of that! So envious of her! I didn’t have anything to write about. I’m not on an adventure like that! Yeah, yeah, we all get that way. But I’m a writer! I need something to write about!

And as hers drew to a close, that one sentence way deep in her blog was the very bit of flint I needed to start this fire.

So, so simple.

How often do you hear someone say something or read something in a book or hear something in a song and it just got you thinking? This happens to me all the time. So how appropriate was it that her statement became that message to me? Well…damn, I’d say! :)

I’m going to stay exactly in these moments here. I’m happy, folks: don’t get me wrong there. But I’m going to stay exactly in the moment HERE. And use the inspiration around me to try to start this writing thing again.

I already have a few jotted down. Wise words from friends. Idiotic ones from others. A lyric from a song. That sort of thing. You’ll probably find yourselves popping up in these pages, especially if you’re particularly clever or on Facebook an awful lot saying a bunch of clever or idiotic things.

I’m done searching. Out-frickin-standing. :)

On the First Day.... There was Optimism!

So far, so good... February is off to a very stable, if not exciting, start.

The workday's high point was shopping at the Big Lots at lunchtime. Do y'all have Big Lots where you are? This place rocks. Foods and households and H&B products and petstuff and pretty much anything you could want (or didn't even know you needed) is there. And cheap! Though I could shop there every day, there was an actual point to hitting the Lot today: when I got to work, I realized I had my iPod (still in its dock on my desk) and its condom (laying right next to its dock on my desk)...but I'd left the earbuds at home. D'oh! This would not be a problem while at work, but certainly would be afterward.

I knew exactly where they were, of course. On the floor next to my computer at home. How they magically get to the floor each day is beyond me.... but I do know that they're one of Oy's favorite little chew toys. What is UP with that, anyway? You can get your cat all kinds of fun toys, but they gravitate toward phone chargers and earbuds instead? I swear he must climb up to the desk to knock them down, too.


But I digress.

Earbuds most likely ensconced in the cat's mouth at home, I decided a really good alternate choice would be to hit the Lot for another pair. First: you can always use an extra pair of headphones. Second: you can *definitely* always use an extra pair of headphones when your cat makes a chewtoy of your first ones. And third (and most importantly): if I DIDN'T get a new pair, I would have come home with good intentions to get my old pair and head back out....but I know me. As soon as I got into my warm home, I'd have stayed home. Uh-uh. Not when I just threw out my goals to the universe, a big one being to "go to the gym!" So, yeah. The $5 for my comfy pair of new headphones (not buds) was a good investment. Plus they're shiny bright pink. Score!

The gym experience itself? Pretty much rocked. First of all, the bathrooms are way cool. There are a few big, single bathrooms that include not only the toilet, but a shower. Private showers! Woah! Way cool! I might actually have to try this place in the morning sometime, too, if I can get ready there in such a nice private room before work. The workout? Well, I decided to take it easy today. I've been pretty good in watching what I eat/fitting into my clothes (more or less *grin*), but I haven't really exercised since it's gotten too cold to walk the neighborhood and haven't seen the inside of a gym since July. So I figured a 5K on the treadmill was good enough to start back into things. And, woah! Right at minute 10, the big smiles came out again. Was is that they say is released when you're working out? That stuff that puts you in a good mood? That ALWAYS happens to me, usually right around minute 10. Love it! Totally forgot how much I love it. And, amazingly, home now and chilling out, I don't hurt a bit! Either I am in better shape than I thought, or I'm going to be hurtin' tomorrow.

Either way, I'll be going back. 4-5x week. That IS the goal, afterall.

On a cute note... the sweet little Army boy who signed me up this weekend was there today. He made a point to come over and say hello. Now, now... before you go thinking anything, he is just a nice guy and one of their trainers and he introduced me to his girlfriend, who is another of the trainers too. And he's young. WAY young.

As in, when I was given my key fob (to get in the door 24/7 - bonus!), he explained to me that it would start working sometime this week and in the meantime the punch-code in was "1-9-8-9." I told him, "oh, that's easy! I'll remember that: it's the year I graduated high school." His response? A big smile, all lit-up as if we had something in common: "Really? That's the year I was born!"

Not. Kidding.

Yup. The get-in-shape goal is becoming more transparent: I want to kick that trainer's ass.

*Grin* But, nah... it's all good. Just kidding.

And so was Day 1 of the New Chapter. And, DAMN, did I even mention how nice it was to come home to a clean house? And a tidy bedroom! A crisply-made bed! And NO mounds of clothing piled up, needing to be washed. Hmmm. I say February started off pretty good indeed.

Who needs excitement?