I'm Calling a Mulligan...Or Not.

What the hell even.



Man, it's been a year.

Not a calendar year, mind you. But damn. In the last 12 months, it's been a "What the hell even" kind of year.

An accident where I broke my jaw and got wired shut for a month.  Then, seven months later getting shingles (seriously?! SHINGLES?! Am I even old enough for that crap?!) and honestly wanting someone to kill me the first few days I had them, they were that horrible. (I swear it might have been worse than the wiring shut, it was that bad). And then my dear, dear Aunt passing away.  Just like Daddy, the time between diagnosis and Final Call was weeks, not months or years. So unfair.  And a dear, dear friend losing her own best friend in the same way.

What the hell even.




WTH.

Shouldn't there be some sort of reprise for this? A "Get Out of Jail" card that says: you've had enough!  We'll wait 'til next year for more of this craptastic stuff because you've had enough already?!

Funny, though.  Reprises come in unexpected ways even when you're that pissed at the whole gaddangged world.  Even when life is shit like that (pardon my French)?

I had:

A friend who took me to lunch with his friends and said, "I got this. You've been through enough. Save your money."

A colleague who I didn't think even knew what I'd been going through who came by my desk and remembered enough to say: "your aunt? I'm so sorry. She was the one who always sent you the religious charms and prayer books right?"

 (And makes  you cry. In a good way.)

A sister who sends you pictures of your beloved nephew just to make you smile.

And a brother who tells you to suck it up (kindly) and sends you silly cards just to make you smile. And, well, to suck it up. :)

And friends. Like all y'all who send private messages of love and support through it all.  Or post things on my social media pages saying "this reminds me of you."  Or even, "get the hell over this shit, Stacy, you can do it!" Or "A day without Stacy's silliness is missed."


And I realize that even if I want a "do over" in many ways, in others I don't.

I'd SO love to call a mulligan on this entire past year.  But only because of my own pain and suffering and for those of my friends' and family.  Because, otherwise,  if I had to do a "do over" on it all?


I probably would have forgotten or taken for granted how lucky I am to have all y'all in my life.  Thank you all.


But, on an aside?

I HATE golf. Can't believe I even know that term enough to use it here even.  Next thing you know, I'll be throwing out NASCAR terms too. ;-)

You want to live where I live. Trust me. :)

This evening I did a shot in honor of Wisconsin's brilliant judgement tonight for equal rights (can I get a woo hoo?) but then I decided I needed a beer to follow up. Had none (bad planning Stacy), but there are $2 bullets at the convenience store just a 2-block walk down the street (don't judge: I'm a city girl) so threw on the flip flops and walked down for my chaser.

On the way, I stopped and chatted with two gentlemen about this most serious conundrum: capris and whether men should wear them or not? And if the answer is yes, does the shoe choice matter?  Discuss.  ;-)

Saw another man "vogue-ing" in front of me as we passed a club playing that Madonna song, yelled out loud I was vogue-ing behind him and he turned around and we had a 3-minute dance routine on the sidewalk as folks stopped and laughed and joined in as his companion clapped on in glee.  Got applause, but no money thrown.  Dangit. Gotta try harder next time. ;-)

On my way home, I was behind two beautiful women with their escort so remarked, "I'm a fast walker, so I'd usually ask ya'll to step aside or move faster, but the view here made me rethink that."

They all turned around, laughed out loud and then stopped and stood and chatted for about 15 minutes before we all left onward to our own destinations. 

Oh! Oh, folks, this is what's life about.

Have fun. Connect.  Talk to strangers, make each other smile.

We're all in it for the long run. Let's make it nice. :)

100 Happy Days?

I finally caught on today that there's a movement out there that's "#100happydays", encouraging folks to find something happy in every day for 100 straight and post a picture and talk about it.

Which, by the way? Is awesome.

But it's actually how I feel every day anyway.  The fact that there's a movement out there and people are making efforts in doing it makes me think:  damn. I just *might* be  that friggin' annoying sometimes to folks.  Huh. #EyeOpener

I had an amazing weekend despite myself.

I had an amazing weekend despite myself.

This weekend was, in a word (prefaced with an adverb) absolutely amazing.  I had the chance to visit and lunch with long-time Zoner friends Aron and Jacki and Scott and Anne.  I met up with even longer-time college and Greek friends Elizabeth and Matt and get to meet Elizabeth's dear friend Julie.  I brunched with a hasher-turned friend Sara and meet her lovely girlfriends and dear nieces.  And then had a chance to play trivia with Aron again and three of his friends who I've now met on a few occasions and are some of the nicest gentlemen I've ever met.  Somewhere in the time among all of that, I also had fun conversations with my high school girlfriends (Vani, Kelly, Laura, Marsha, Mare, Ginny; who did I miss?) electronically and even got my laundry and grocery shopping done.  Amazing, right?

But it all happened despite myself.

Because I almost backed out of each and every one of those things.

I'm so glad I didn't.  Even as I considered making my excuses, I knew if I just motivated that I would love the experience when I went.  It's just that sometimes the motivation gets....hard.

The easy part: groceries? Bah. I always have soup cans in the pantry so shopping can be put off for another day.  Same thing for laundry.  Easy as pie to hand wash a blouse at home to wear the next day instead of making it to the launders to do a few loads.  The personal thing is a little more difficult.

My work, though I love it, can sometimes drain me a little.  It's my job to always be upbeat and helpful and, well, in a way? Social.  And I do love that: where some folks hate cubical-land? I hate office-with-a-door land!  I love being in the middle of everyone, hearing everything, being able to eaves drop and pitch in to help out. And as much as I'd love to work from home some days, it would kill me a little bit every day inside if I had to do that every day and never got out to see others.  But, all that being said? I'm not as social as it may seem sometimes.

I love my downtime.  I love taking long walks (on the beach) through the neighborhood alone or curling up (with my cat) with my book. I actually more often than not feel awkward in social situations than comfortable.  And when I have a long, trying (but productive) week at work where I have to be spot-on, I sometimes just crave hiding away from the world for a few days.  Or at least not having to get dressed or showered and leave my cozy little home to venture out to be with other people instead of just posting a status or two online.

So when this weekend was approaching and I saw how many things were socially on my calendar?  I actually kinda freaked out a little bit.  But, backing up a little:

Today at the grocery store, the attendant checking my groceries stopped, looked up at me and asked me what I did for a living. I told her the basics (media and events in the travel and tourism industry) and she just smiled and said, "I could tell. You're a people-person like me."  And I took that as a huge compliment and we chatted a bit more --probably to the chagrin of the person behind me-- but the more I've thought about it tonight, the more I realized just how much that comment really means to me.

Because, if I'm going to be honest here? (And where can you be if not in your own blog?) It tickles me that people think that of me when I know that sometimes I just don't feel it about myself.  It occurs to me that those who are not thought of as "people persons" get more Get Out of Jail Free cards, if you will, than those who are perceived as those who are. (And, yep, it makes me irrationally angry!)  When people know a friend or colleague is an introvert or the "quiet type", it is never taken as a personal slight if they don't join in or make plans or are moody or any of those things.  But if you're that "people person",  it's often taken wrong the one moment that you're not On Game.

So, back to the point of all of this.  I knew my lunch with Zoners would be amazing (as it always is), but still walked in wondering if I might have done something wrong because one of them I had always played an app game with suddenly stopped playing. And then I went to meet up with old college friends I hadn't seen for years and wondered if it would be OK and comfortable.  Next came brunch with only one woman I knew, with relatives of hers and friends I had never met.  Finalized with a dear friend inviting me to an exclusive invite-only trivia tournament with people who just really met me less than a month ago.

I wanted to run and hide.

But I didn't.  So, despite myself? I went and did all of these things and my weekend was (prefaced with an adverb) absolutely amazing.

And now I'm going to sleep tonight, ready to be spot-on again in my work week because I have all those folks mentioned above who help me come out of my comfort zone to helped me make my life amazing. :

Despite myself. :-)

Meeting Good Girlfriends is Hard. Ha!

Starting this out crude: I call bullshit on that mess.

I've heard it time and time again: that at a certain age, usually after she leaves college, that it's hard for a woman to meet new good girlfriends.  Countless articles are written about it; I've had my own acquaintances say the same thing. Google "adult women hard to find women friends" and you'll see countless opinions about why it is so hard.

I call bullshit. I don't get it.. As a woman of that age (after college -- how may years removed we don't need to get into), I've never discovered that to be a problem unless you want to use it a an excuse.

You want to sit at home with your cat(s) each night (because you know you have them)? Yeah, it's going to be hard to meet a new girl friend then unless that food delivery person you just ordered from is female and actually does want to come in and have the glass of wine you offered out of loneliness.  But if you have interests and are not afraid of doing those by yourself and are willing to talk to others? It's ridiculously easy.

I know the excuses.  I'm single; she's married.  I don't have kids; she does.  I work full time; she's a stay-at-home-Mom.  Nothing in common, right? It's silly, honestly. Because those are surface things when it comes to friendships.  Friendships transcend life experiences. In fact, I dare to say that's what would make you good friends in the first place. Who wants someone *exactly* like you are anyway?

In the 17 years I've been in Atlanta, I've moved around quite a bit.  Sometimes by choice (ooh! raise! let's rent this sweeter condo!) and sometimes by circumstance (thank you, friend, for letting me move in for half a year when my company downsized and I was looking for work).  I'm finally pleasantly settled in my own abode but in all those moves?  All I ever met were great women -- all who are friends to this day. And I met one or two on each adventure. :)

Unemployed? I went out once to throw off steam and watch a Packer game and met my friend Jennifer, who just happened to walk into the same bar that day with a Packer jersey on. Four years later, she hosted my 40th birthday party in her home.

Jobbed-up again? Found a little watering hole halfway on my trip from work to home and met Tammy there when I had to blow off some steam. Found a fellow hockey fanatic who I'm still in touch with all the time; we went to a Thrashers game as "blue haired ladies" a year after I moved from her.

Another job took me miles away again, but I went out to trivia one night and met Penny.  We threw back a beer or two, played some Keno and became friends.  I dog sat for her; she helped me move to where I am now.  Again, we still keep in touch.

And now, where I am, I met Paula, who just happened to be the girlfriend of the guy who lived across the street and was fortunate enough (for me) on a random evening to wander onto the front lawn where I was having a glass of wine in the summer twilight with another girl friend (who I met four years before based on a mutual interest of running).

Did I have everything in common with each of these ladies? Nope. Jennifer was practically engaged when I met her; Tammy is a home owner. Penny has been married for years now and Paula is my wild-child loving heart who's actually a grandmother.  I have nothing of those things in common with them, but somehow it works.  And it was EASY to make friends with these ladies.  And they're all my true friends that I met LONG after those college days of "it'd be hard to meet girl friends after this."  Even if we can't see each other as often as we want, they're my friends. I daresay they think it too.

So that whole diatribe about it being hard to meet good, lovely, quality women after a certain age? Bah. I call BS on that based on experience. I have no problem meeting good girl friends. Ignore those articles, my girl friends, my little sisters in my sorority, my younger colleagues. It's not a problem. For real.

Meeting men, however? Someone needs to teach me a trick or two on that. ;-)

Irrational Pet Peeves

And note by the title that you should already be reading this in the irrational mindset I set up. Ready? Let's go.

Peeving on my pets about this:

1.) People who don't understand that "U R so funny!" is okay in a text or in a tweet when you're trying to save characters, but not in an email or a Facebook response. Seriously? Are you just that lazy that you can't spell it out?  Ugh! And they wonder why society is going to pot.  They do it because of things like #2. Which is totally re-donkulous in my opinion.

2.) Using umbrellas when it's snowing. Seriously, what is up with that?!  I get rain. I get keeping sun off you (especially for you albinos. Yep, I'm probably not PC there. Pigment-challenged? Okay, pretend I said that instead.). But SNOW? Not an umbrella-using precipitation moment. Wear a hat. Enjoy whitey flakes.

(Damn!. That's probably not PC either, is it? Whitey flakes?) Which leads to....

3.) Having to be PC *all the friggin time!* It's exhausting. Folks, consider the source. If you think the person saying or writing what they say or write is actually a true racist? Just don't even have them in your social circles to begin with. Just go away. Send them off into the universe....which may or may not have started with a Big Bang, I'm thinking.

Damn, did it again. And now it's venturing into religious beliefs.

So onward.

4.) What I've been seeing more and more of lately annoys the living daylights outta me: using "Nicca" in replace of the already bastardized "N" word. I get not saying the N-word. Totally. Never would use that word and totally understand why not. But now it's gone another step and you can't even use it in the first bastardization of it with the G's instead? *That's* now wrong too?!  Omg, this is exhausting. I need a nap.

Which means I'm going to wake up and want chicken.

5.) So when Publix runs out of their crack-laced chicken fingers? I'm pissed.  Seriously, shouldn't there be a little nicca albino there making them 24/7?  Stacy needs her chicken afterall.

Huh. This took a turn I didn't expect myself.

*grin*

[and if it wasn't clear? this was also a mind-dump meant all in jest. you know, just clarifying. lest I piss anyone off. which I'm sure I probably did.]

;-)

Generational Etiquette

Question: At what point does it become okay to call the parents of your friends by their given names instead of  "Mr." or "Mrs." [enter last name here]?

Is it when you reach a certain age?  Is it when they tell you, "please; call me [enter first name here] instead of mister or missus"?  Somewhere in between?

Naturally, all circumstances are different. Some kids these days grew up calling their parents' friends by their first names. Shoot, some kids grew up calling their *own* parents by their first names instead of Mom or Dad.  But in my generation, neither of those things were done. You called your own friends your own age by their given names, but not adults.

I liked the tradition up north where I grew up: adults who weren't family but were much closer than, say, acquaintances, got the title of Aunt and Uncle before their name. I grew up referring to my parents' friends across the street as Uncle Les and Aunt Angie; my sister's Godparents were Uncle Dick and Aunt Joycee.I think it was a beautiful way to handle the circumstance: the adults deserved the respect of children not using solely their familiar given name, but also taught us that these folks deserved the respect that came with a title, so to speak, before it.

I think it's why I also adore the traditional way of doing it here in the South too.  I would feel very uncomfortable if my friends had their minor children call me solely by my given name (I'm not a classmate, afterall), but I would feel just as uncomfortable if they called me "Miss Fox."  And that's where I adore the "Miss Stacy" term. Even if I were married, I like the "Miss Stacy" -- to me, it's like showing respect for me as an adult, but also feeling I'm someone closer to their family and their parents than, say, their carpool party.

There are always exceptions to the rules. For example, my friend Sue has two grown daughters who have always only known me just as Stacy and that feels perfectly okay when I hear it from them -- probably because Sue has always felt like a sister and when I visited them when they were young and they ran up to me with a hug calling, "Stacy!" it made me grin.  But if I came to visit and their friends were there of the same age? Even if they hugged me, saying "welcome, Stacy!", I'd think it was too familiar for their friends to call me by that without having ever met me before.

Another. My friend Sarah's kids call me Foxy.  Yes, mostly because that's what their mama calls me. :-)  But even that's okay with me because it's not my given name like they use with their friends, and that's the distinction. I'd be surprised if they even knew my given name.

So, when, exceptions aside, is it really okay to start using familiar names with your friends' parents after you're an adult? If you're already an adult when you meet them and they say, in the case of my friend Hilary's mother on first meeting, "Hi! Pleasure to meet you. Please call me Maryanne," it's cut and dry. But in the case of a family you've known since you were 6 years old and that wasn't the case, when does that change? Or does it?  Do you wait for the invitation from them to call them by their name or, now into your 30s or 40s and an adult in your own right, ask if it's okay to do it?

I have to admit, I giggle about it. Because I can't make the leap myself but try to do it in different ways.  I can't call my friend Lisa's parents "Mr. and Mrs. Latimer" anymore without feeling awkward -- but I can't call them "John and Peggy" either. I kinda went halfway and now just call them "Mr. and Mrs. L."  And I saw when that same friend became friends with my Mom on Facebook the other day, she left a message saying: "Nice to see you, Mrs. Fox!" and that kind of warmed my heart; she didn't use "Dorothy" but chose that instead. It kinda made me think that her parents obviously raised her right;  that anyone of the generation before you should give you their permission to use their given name before you just do it.

Is this just a my generation thing? Or perhaps something I need to change my mindset about?