Story Time!

Story time!



Okay, so people just did NOT want to leave the brewery where I volunteer tonight. It was so funny.  We cut off the taps at 8pm and a half hour later, even without beer, people were still standing around, chatting, not wanting to leave.  As a volunteer, this is both frustrating when you want to go home and really tickling to see how well the place is doing!

But because of this, I was also able to walk around and actually talk a little bit to some of the patrons after my shift; more so than I can when I'm working anyway.  And a fun holiday decoration debate came up.

One woman pulled me aside and said: "Okay! Question: those icicle Christmas lights, right? The ones that dangle and look like icicles instead of just normal tree lights? Are they meant to go on the inside or outside?"

Now, I figured I was settling a bet among friends.  But I answered in the only correct way: outside, of course!  They're *icicles!* Icicles don't grow INSIDE!

"Thank you!!" she replied and promptly smacked her girlfriend and said, "See? It's OUTSIDE. So, no, you cannot put those on our tree."  I suggested a happy compromise (around the ceiling molding or breakfast bar perhaps?) and she agreed that'd be OK. But her girlfriend just looked at me with a solid stare and asked, "okay. But where is this written, huh?" And they both and their gentleman friend looked at me, on the spot I was!

I replied, lowering my voice and leaning in, "it's not actually *written*.  But there's a secret society of We Who Know who make sure it's passed down verbally like in the old days, you see."  They laughed. "Oh? A secret society?!" said girlfriend, challenging me. "I suppose that's headed by *Santa*?!"  The first woman laughed and said, "yes, of course!" and they all looked at me again.  I told them: "I can neither confirm nor deny that," flipped my hair, turned sharply away and walked off dramatically... to the sound of all of them laughing.

I'm not sure why, but I was just so tickled by the whole thing.  Maybe it was because it was so silly and fun.  And more than a little bit because I was so clearly "the help" and they still pulled me into their circle for such merriment.  But probably definitely because it just reminds me how lucky I am to have a place I get to go to have fun, meet new people, have exchanges like this and am reminded that a stranger just might always be a friend you just haven't met yet.

People are awesome.

Oh, and I'm so right about the icicle lights thing too.

Working with Millennials.... Blah Blah Blah

Go to your favorite search engine and type in "working with Millennials" and a whole bunch of pages, articles, tips and suggestions come up.  There are classes built around this topic today even: how to engage them, keep them interested or on task.  Most teach you tips on how to reach them or get the performance out of them you need in your work place.

And I'm so sick and tired of it all.

Listen, folks: I get that different generations have different upbringings.  Different technology, ways they were taught in school and definitely some advantages they can bring into a workplace being fresh and new and full of all these new things.

But where are *their* classes in working with the generations before them?  Why is it up to those who have been in the work environment long before encouraged to keep their processes in mind and not vice versa?

I'm not sure this applies to many of you, but for those of you who work in a "people industry" like I do, it does.  It's ever-changing and dynamic and I love that.  It's a whole bunch of generations working together: Boomers, X, Y, etc. And I love that too.  But this emphasis I see on how to work with the newest generation each time instead of any focus at all in working with the older ones  is starting to stick in my craw.

It's giving the perception that the generations that came before have nothing that should be adopted instead.  Case in point:  a phone call is sometimes much more warranted than an email.  But the teachings these days show each younger generation are more into emailing, texting or IMing than picking up the phone.  Should that be acceptable?  Just because it's the sign of our times, does it mean it's a *correct* sign of our times?  When each new generation graduates and comes into the work environment, do we always need to adapt to them and their ways instead of asking them to understand ours and at least meet us halfway?

I'm fortunate enough that I am one of those old dogs you can teach new tricks.  Firmly ensconced as a Gen X (didn't even have an email address until after college!), I take to technology well and have incorporated into my professional career when it didn't even exist much when said career started.  I'm also fortunate enough that I have colleagues of all these ranges and most of them seem to know when to stop clicking away in an open chat window and walk the few feet to my desk to talk in person instead. 

But the emphasis on how to work with, motivate and even *keep interested* each new generation makes me wonder.  Where did a work ethic go?  Where did the concept of  "paying your dues" and learning from older mentors get lost instead of expecting those more experienced to adapt to them instead?

And then: did *I* come off this way to the Baby Boomers too? ;-)

The Downside of Social Media

When did it become acceptable to end a personal friendship simply by unfriending them on Facebook?

Maybe I don't understand Facebook like others.  I consider it an extension of a friendship and not the friendship on a whole.  So when I have a disagreement or argument with a friend and then find they immediately unfriend me, it gets me to wondering what on earth this world is coming to sometimes.

Now, don't get me wrong.  People can unfriend for many reasons and it's totally understandable.  You meet folks at a gathering, have a fun time and add each other.  Then, weeks later realize you have really nothing in common so: unfriend.  Or you recognize you have dozens and dozens of friends in common, whether from high school or college, a social group or whatnot, so you add.  And then, weeks later realize you'll probably never interact anyway so: unfriend.   It IS a social network after all and the point is to be social.  If you're not being social, where's the point?  And in my own personal case, I totally understand why acquaintances might let me go.  I post a lot.  And I muddy up feeds.  I've had some folks tell me they're doing it because of that, or won't respond to any of my things because they hate stupid notifications they get after they do.  And that I completely get and truly appreciate when I get the messages telling me why.

But in the past year, I've also now had a few friends unfriend me without any discussion as to why and I only find out because I go to write to them and find out we're not friends anymore.  These aren't people mentioned in above scenarios; they're real friends (so to speak) that I've had for years, even decades, who I've spent time with, broke bread with, took trips with, went through the ups and downs of life with.  And then after one not-so-pleasant conversation, they decided that was enough to say no more.  Not to give me the courtesy to *tell* me no more or even why, but just to let me find out on my own and in a very public forum.

*Sigh*  I'm beginning to realize the downside of this medium.

Because in the past? Before the time of Facebook, Twitter and whatnot? If you got in a fight with a loved one, you gave each other cooling off time and then approached each other to work out whatever differences, real or perceived, were there. Now it seems it's okay to invite all your other mutual friends into your personal one-on-one issue.  Because people notice when folks aren't friends anymore.  And they ask.  Out of curiosity or concern or whatever, they ask.  It becomes a big ol' ""fuck you, I don't need you! And I don't care who knows it!"  Instead of a "hey. I just will keep some space for a while and decide whether to revisit that relationship again" on the private, personal, adult level it should be. 

Is it a flippant reaction out of anger or hurt with no thought behind it?  Perhaps.  I've had that happen to me too and, so surprised at it I was, I contacted that friend to ask if there was a way I harmed her and if there was a way I could make amends had I.  She instantly responded that she was so sorry she had done it; it was in a moment of confusion and the fact I reached out made her realize I really did care for her.  I was tickled to accept her friend request again.  I think we're even better friends today after that.

But it's really a hard way to test a friendship.  Not that any of these people are consciously doing that -- I'm just asking: when did it become acceptable to end a personal friendship in this way instead of picking up the phone, sending an email or even a letter?  Social media makes it far too easy to decide not to work through problems and just to say screw it.  And as much as I love the medium, that makes me very sad. 

I'm Calling a Mulligan...Or Not.

What the hell even.



Man, it's been a year.

Not a calendar year, mind you. But damn. In the last 12 months, it's been a "What the hell even" kind of year.

An accident where I broke my jaw and got wired shut for a month.  Then, seven months later getting shingles (seriously?! SHINGLES?! Am I even old enough for that crap?!) and honestly wanting someone to kill me the first few days I had them, they were that horrible. (I swear it might have been worse than the wiring shut, it was that bad). And then my dear, dear Aunt passing away.  Just like Daddy, the time between diagnosis and Final Call was weeks, not months or years. So unfair.  And a dear, dear friend losing her own best friend in the same way.

What the hell even.




WTH.

Shouldn't there be some sort of reprise for this? A "Get Out of Jail" card that says: you've had enough!  We'll wait 'til next year for more of this craptastic stuff because you've had enough already?!

Funny, though.  Reprises come in unexpected ways even when you're that pissed at the whole gaddangged world.  Even when life is shit like that (pardon my French)?

I had:

A friend who took me to lunch with his friends and said, "I got this. You've been through enough. Save your money."

A colleague who I didn't think even knew what I'd been going through who came by my desk and remembered enough to say: "your aunt? I'm so sorry. She was the one who always sent you the religious charms and prayer books right?"

 (And makes  you cry. In a good way.)

A sister who sends you pictures of your beloved nephew just to make you smile.

And a brother who tells you to suck it up (kindly) and sends you silly cards just to make you smile. And, well, to suck it up. :)

And friends. Like all y'all who send private messages of love and support through it all.  Or post things on my social media pages saying "this reminds me of you."  Or even, "get the hell over this shit, Stacy, you can do it!" Or "A day without Stacy's silliness is missed."


And I realize that even if I want a "do over" in many ways, in others I don't.

I'd SO love to call a mulligan on this entire past year.  But only because of my own pain and suffering and for those of my friends' and family.  Because, otherwise,  if I had to do a "do over" on it all?


I probably would have forgotten or taken for granted how lucky I am to have all y'all in my life.  Thank you all.


But, on an aside?

I HATE golf. Can't believe I even know that term enough to use it here even.  Next thing you know, I'll be throwing out NASCAR terms too. ;-)

You want to live where I live. Trust me. :)

This evening I did a shot in honor of Wisconsin's brilliant judgement tonight for equal rights (can I get a woo hoo?) but then I decided I needed a beer to follow up. Had none (bad planning Stacy), but there are $2 bullets at the convenience store just a 2-block walk down the street (don't judge: I'm a city girl) so threw on the flip flops and walked down for my chaser.

On the way, I stopped and chatted with two gentlemen about this most serious conundrum: capris and whether men should wear them or not? And if the answer is yes, does the shoe choice matter?  Discuss.  ;-)

Saw another man "vogue-ing" in front of me as we passed a club playing that Madonna song, yelled out loud I was vogue-ing behind him and he turned around and we had a 3-minute dance routine on the sidewalk as folks stopped and laughed and joined in as his companion clapped on in glee.  Got applause, but no money thrown.  Dangit. Gotta try harder next time. ;-)

On my way home, I was behind two beautiful women with their escort so remarked, "I'm a fast walker, so I'd usually ask ya'll to step aside or move faster, but the view here made me rethink that."

They all turned around, laughed out loud and then stopped and stood and chatted for about 15 minutes before we all left onward to our own destinations. 

Oh! Oh, folks, this is what's life about.

Have fun. Connect.  Talk to strangers, make each other smile.

We're all in it for the long run. Let's make it nice. :)

100 Happy Days?

I finally caught on today that there's a movement out there that's "#100happydays", encouraging folks to find something happy in every day for 100 straight and post a picture and talk about it.

Which, by the way? Is awesome.

But it's actually how I feel every day anyway.  The fact that there's a movement out there and people are making efforts in doing it makes me think:  damn. I just *might* be  that friggin' annoying sometimes to folks.  Huh. #EyeOpener

I had an amazing weekend despite myself.

I had an amazing weekend despite myself.

This weekend was, in a word (prefaced with an adverb) absolutely amazing.  I had the chance to visit and lunch with long-time Zoner friends Aron and Jacki and Scott and Anne.  I met up with even longer-time college and Greek friends Elizabeth and Matt and get to meet Elizabeth's dear friend Julie.  I brunched with a hasher-turned friend Sara and meet her lovely girlfriends and dear nieces.  And then had a chance to play trivia with Aron again and three of his friends who I've now met on a few occasions and are some of the nicest gentlemen I've ever met.  Somewhere in the time among all of that, I also had fun conversations with my high school girlfriends (Vani, Kelly, Laura, Marsha, Mare, Ginny; who did I miss?) electronically and even got my laundry and grocery shopping done.  Amazing, right?

But it all happened despite myself.

Because I almost backed out of each and every one of those things.

I'm so glad I didn't.  Even as I considered making my excuses, I knew if I just motivated that I would love the experience when I went.  It's just that sometimes the motivation gets....hard.

The easy part: groceries? Bah. I always have soup cans in the pantry so shopping can be put off for another day.  Same thing for laundry.  Easy as pie to hand wash a blouse at home to wear the next day instead of making it to the launders to do a few loads.  The personal thing is a little more difficult.

My work, though I love it, can sometimes drain me a little.  It's my job to always be upbeat and helpful and, well, in a way? Social.  And I do love that: where some folks hate cubical-land? I hate office-with-a-door land!  I love being in the middle of everyone, hearing everything, being able to eaves drop and pitch in to help out. And as much as I'd love to work from home some days, it would kill me a little bit every day inside if I had to do that every day and never got out to see others.  But, all that being said? I'm not as social as it may seem sometimes.

I love my downtime.  I love taking long walks (on the beach) through the neighborhood alone or curling up (with my cat) with my book. I actually more often than not feel awkward in social situations than comfortable.  And when I have a long, trying (but productive) week at work where I have to be spot-on, I sometimes just crave hiding away from the world for a few days.  Or at least not having to get dressed or showered and leave my cozy little home to venture out to be with other people instead of just posting a status or two online.

So when this weekend was approaching and I saw how many things were socially on my calendar?  I actually kinda freaked out a little bit.  But, backing up a little:

Today at the grocery store, the attendant checking my groceries stopped, looked up at me and asked me what I did for a living. I told her the basics (media and events in the travel and tourism industry) and she just smiled and said, "I could tell. You're a people-person like me."  And I took that as a huge compliment and we chatted a bit more --probably to the chagrin of the person behind me-- but the more I've thought about it tonight, the more I realized just how much that comment really means to me.

Because, if I'm going to be honest here? (And where can you be if not in your own blog?) It tickles me that people think that of me when I know that sometimes I just don't feel it about myself.  It occurs to me that those who are not thought of as "people persons" get more Get Out of Jail Free cards, if you will, than those who are perceived as those who are. (And, yep, it makes me irrationally angry!)  When people know a friend or colleague is an introvert or the "quiet type", it is never taken as a personal slight if they don't join in or make plans or are moody or any of those things.  But if you're that "people person",  it's often taken wrong the one moment that you're not On Game.

So, back to the point of all of this.  I knew my lunch with Zoners would be amazing (as it always is), but still walked in wondering if I might have done something wrong because one of them I had always played an app game with suddenly stopped playing. And then I went to meet up with old college friends I hadn't seen for years and wondered if it would be OK and comfortable.  Next came brunch with only one woman I knew, with relatives of hers and friends I had never met.  Finalized with a dear friend inviting me to an exclusive invite-only trivia tournament with people who just really met me less than a month ago.

I wanted to run and hide.

But I didn't.  So, despite myself? I went and did all of these things and my weekend was (prefaced with an adverb) absolutely amazing.

And now I'm going to sleep tonight, ready to be spot-on again in my work week because I have all those folks mentioned above who help me come out of my comfort zone to helped me make my life amazing. :

Despite myself. :-)