How to Share the Road with Semi Trucks: a Kindness Guide

I remember a time once when I was on a long drive with my family for a trip.  Dad was driving, I was in the passenger seat and the rest of the family were in various positions in the rest of the stylin' 80s passenger van my parents owned.  You know, the ones that are carpeted, with four seats and a "couch" in the back, complete with a sink and water pump (that never worked) and a built in cooler?  Yeah, one of those.

As we were passing a semi-truck, Dad imposed some wisdom on me.  He told me, "now, if you're ever driving and you start to pass a truck, you don't have to accelerate to get past him.  If you're already passing him, your current speed will continue to make that happen."  I'm pretty sure he was trying to teach me something about velocity and science or something. He certainly never taught me to actually drive (a story for another day).  Seemed pretty logical to me, but I never really gave it much thought after that.  Except for the weird fact that I always remembered him sharing that tidbit of advice. :)  But I have already digressed.

The main subject of this post is How to Share the Road and Drive with Others.  Specifically: semi-trucks.

As soon as I got my first car, I discovered the love of the road trip.  This wasn't until much later than most of you, I'd reckon.  I was 23 or 24, graduated from college with another year removed from working on a bus line where I didn't need one.  Sure, I drove before then, but not having a car of my own, didn't have the luxury of just picking up, filling up and taking myself where my whims could take me.  That changed almost immediately after I got Cassidy (yep, I name my cars).  At first, it wasn't far: just within state to visit old college friends or down to Chicago to catch the Cubs or whatnot. Later, as I met friends throughout the country and then moved 1000 miles from home, it became much greater distances.  But each time, it involved interstates or at the very least 4-lane state highways: the places you typically find semi-trucks utilizing the same roads as you.

I don't know if they do it in Driver's Ed today, but back in my day, we never got instructions on the differences between passenger vehicles on the interstates and commercial big-rig ones.  I'm pretty sure it's still not well taught, as I sometimes see on long trips those signs along the highway that indicate if you're passing a truck like that to leave more room, assuming that's the education instead. Do you know which ones I mean? Love those signs! I have faith they educate some.   In any case, it was only the road trips I took myself that, over time, helped me to develop the driving skills to work with semis.

Imagine you're on a long stretch of a four-lane interstate.  Yeah, you're probably in Texas and I'm sorry for that, but imagine it anyway.  You're cruising along in the left lane, a semi-truck is 100 yards ahead of you or so in the right and you're fixin' to overcome him in a few but also notice you're also approaching and exit/on ramp?  The right thing to do is to survey that on-ramp and slow the heck down and alert that semi, via your lights, that he can come in front of you.  If someone's coming on, that truck is probably going to have to make way for the incomer and the best way for him to do it would be to move over into your lane as opposed to braking. (More on that in a bit.)  Notice the interloper, flash your lights quickly so the truck sees you see the circumstance too and then slow the heck down so he can move in front of you for the duration of the entire exchange.  Trust me, he'll move back again and you can pick up your speed after.  He'll often thank you with a flash of his own lights (oh! I so love when they do that! but that's for later too).

Because although YOU, in your passenger vehicle, could slam on your brakes and stop in a fairly safe distance most of the time, *semi-trucks cannot.*  Again, going to throw some velocity and science out here: the weight and momentum behind them will carry them much further than you probably ever thought about if they had to do that. And they have no way of judging how fast that person will actually merge, so it's best for them just to get out of the lane and keep it free in the first place.  Right?   Logical when you think about it.  The thing is, I don't think most folks think about it and I think it's because it's not taught.   

The other thing not taught and which leads me to this blog posting today was an incident that happened on my way home from work tonight.  Trucks like these make *wide right turns.*   I'm sure most of you drivers out there have seen those kind of messages on the backs of city buses and semis on the interstates, but I'm not sure if it really registers sometimes, considering the amount of accidents I see because of this exact thing. Your turn radius on your car?  Probably pretty good, right?  Now image your car is 4x as long as it really is.  Think it would be the same?   (A hint: if you do? You really shouldn't be driving.)

So today I'm on my way home from work and I'm going to reference Atlanta city streets here but I'm sure you can imagine streets the same in your own city:  I'm on Piedmont Road, heading into the city.  It's a four-lane city road with no divider and, being the heart of the city, the lanes aren't very wide to begin with.  In this case, it crossed my mind that the semi driver might actually have been lost and GPS-ing it because no semis should be on this street to begin with.  That being said, I knew he was headed for a very sharp right hand turn in about a mile where both lanes turn (it becomes a one-way street there) and there's no other option but to turn right.  (14th street at the park, for those of you playing locally)

Got that?  You're heading down a street two lanes in one direction where both y'all are turning right in about a half a mile. A tight, sharp right.

So I see the truck. He's in front of me afterall and I usually drive with my eyes open.  He's in the left lane of this, which is why I believe he must've had GPS, knowing there's no way in hades he could make a mandatory right turn from the right.  I usually like being in that lane myself as my next turn on the connecting street is a left a few blocks up, so I was behind him, being patient and keeping a safe distance.  But the closer and closer we got to that dreaded turn, cars kept flying by me in the right and since that turn is actually at a traffic light, I knew in my heart that that truck was going to get stuck. Cars would line up along side him at a red and there would be absolutely nowhere he could go as he could only watch car upon car zip past easily in the right turn while he was stuck in the left, not being able to do a darn thing about it.   Because he NEEDED that lane too in order to turn his truck.  Shoot, as it would actually happen, he actually needed not only that lane but the curb and sidewalk next to that lane to do it.  But instead of noticing the truck and surveying the situation and thinking about how to help, these drivers noticed the truck and moved around it to benefit their own needs instead...because, let's face it. Who wants to be stuck behind a semi?  Especially on a local road.

But it all kind of pissed me off.  Like, all I could think was that this poor truck driver probably accidentally got himself in this situation that he certainly would not be able to get himself out of and I'm pretty sure he had places to go and people to see just like the rest of us.  So, still enough far behind him for him to maneuver? I switched to the right lane and STOPPED.  Just stopped.  Let all the right handers in front of me go through the green light but stopped myself yards before it, knowing he'd need my lane (er, and the curb. and the sidewalk).  Flashed my lights at him to let him know that "yep, I ain't moving here even though it's green-- it's all you buddy" and when he started his turn, I knew he understood my message.

However -- right at that time, when I couldn't block the whole right lane anymore, a car pulled up behind him, sharply maneuvered in front of me (almost hitting me) into the right lane in order to beat the light still green.  The passenger of that car even had the gall to look at me and mouth something nasty because she didn't understand why I was stopping 30 yards from an intersection when the light was green.  I gestured calmly palm-up at the semi situation in explanation and I can only hope that after the fact it might have all come together like puzzle pieces for her and she realized my motive.  But, sadly, I doubt it.

Fortunately, no more cars were coming up behind us and I light-signaled Mr. Semi that I was still on board with our original plan.  I stayed close enough to his back end to let him make the turn but not let any other cars do the same bone-ass move.  And he made the turn, using his lane and mine...and the curb and the sidewalk. :)

At this point, I had to get back over into the lane he was originally in to make my next turn, so he ended up a few vehicles ahead of me to the right where I was never able to pull up along side him to get his wave and smile of thank you.  Because I'm sure it would have come.  Especially because, even cars behind him, I saw him flash the "thank you" lights with his brake lights.  It's crazy how it warms my heart when they do that kind of thing.

The point in all of this?  I guess it's really nothing more than to remember that you *share the road* with others.  Remember that others don't always have the same capabilities that you do in your vehicle. On the opposite end of this situation, I can also go on about being very cognizant of motorcycles and bicyclists too and what to do there, but that, too, is a story for another day.

None of us own the roads out there. And all of us are in this thing called life together.  Be aware of others. "Help" when you can. Choose safety and kindness over your own needs to be somewhere and get somewhere.

I may be naive in this, but I like to think that this semi driver actually got to where he needed to go safely and that with all the drivers he experienced -- whether jerks or just uneducated -- that he knows that at least one person understood him today and knows how to drive courteously  in Atlanta.  I will never, ever meet him. This I know.  But I smile just a little bit thinking that this incident might be something that makes him smile too perhaps.

Be kind, people. Be alert. Help others when you can. Share the road.

A Beer Festival: A Volunteer's Perspective in Pros and Cons

Yesterday afternoon I spent a few hours volunteering at Wrecking Bar's second annual Strong Beer Festival: a festival comprised of all Georgia beers, all over 8% ABV, many brewed especially for this event.  I've been attendees at festivals like these before (Decatur Beer Festival; Sweetwater's Brew Your Cask Off) and have volunteered at others (East Atlanta Beer Festival, Atlantic Station's Beer Circus) and in thinking about them all, I'm kind of surprised myself that I enjoy volunteering more than I do attending.

I find I really like serving people!  I reckon if I had a job doing it daily it would get old really quickly for me, but since I don't, it's fun.  I get to have mini 3-5 minute conversations with a whole bunch of different folks while serving them up tasty good brews, which means everyone is usually in a good, happy mood.  It makes for a fun, low-pressure kind of day (especially as a volunteer; can't lose my job if I mess up, right?) and I tend to always leave feeling upbeat.

Yesterday's event, however, left me holding a mixed bag of Pros and Cons.  I do think the Pros outweigh the Cons, but I was disappointed in how some of the day turned out.   All of it had to do with the planning and execution of the event  as it affected me personally, and I so want to give the planners a pass on some of it.  I work in a planning industry and Lord Knows that as an attendee and event worker, it's easy to criticize the folks who worked their butts off putting it together by acting like you could do it better yourself.  I'm not saying that.  But if the volunteer organizers decide to ask for feedback from us, I just might point them here.

Let's start with some Pros, shall we?

Pro:  Super good pre-organization

When I first volunteered to work in person, I received a follow-up email within a day to confirm my interest. Makes a volunteer feel appreciated.  A week before the event, received the instructions of where to go, where to park and what time to show up early so we could be educated on where we would be and what beers we'd personally be serving (which becomes important later). We also got really cool long-sleeved t-shirts which is always a bonus in my book.

Pro: I got an awesome station placement

When I checked in, I learned I was actually going to be the one volunteer behind the main bar in the Beirgarten, with the rest of the servers there being actual employees of Wrecking Bar Brewpub (again, this becomes important later).  Our station consisted of a 20 ft. long bar that was open on one end: I was stationed at the far end that was closed off by a half wall overlooking the brewery below.  However, my spot was one of the first ones people saw when they made their way into the room from the outside; I had a couple attendees even ask me how I managed to get a primo spot. Since most folks entered the room from an inside stairway on the other end and pack in there instead, it wasn't overwhelmingly crowded most of the time and because it also formed a natural little "corner," folks tended to hang out there sometimes and I had opportunity on down times to chat with them about beer, life, the football games on the big screens hanging around us and whatnot.  So that was super fun too.

Pro: I had outstanding beers behind my station

The two I were most responsible for were a single hop double IPA from Coastal Empire out of Savannah and a Belgian-style Russian Imperial Stout out of Cumming -- and they were both fantastic.  Others included a Scottish Ale, another chocolate stout and -- HA! Low and behold? My own dear Orpheus Brewing's offering of "The 12th Labour" imperial stout!  Now, I don't know if the volunteer organizer remembered I volunteer regularly at Orpheus and that's why I was placed there or not, but if she did, that was awesome. If she didn't? It was a very serendipitous coincidence because I totally got to pimp them out by suggesting their brew when someone asked for a suggestion.  (And it was one of the only two kegs we actually killed before the end of the event. Aw yeah!)

Con: A station mate issue

I was stationed with two other Wrecking Bar employees, both of whose names I know but neither of which I will mention here for reasons you'll soon see.  Woman #1 was really pretty cool and informed me how our area was going to work (six different beers, but only one set of taps working so we'd work off pitchers instead). I was on the far end as I mentioned; she on the other far end and Woman #2 in the middle.  When we ran low, we could pass the pitcher and get it refilled.  The weather was cool enough and the beers flowing enough that there was no risk of them getting warm or anything.

Woman #2, however, was the most impersonal, lazy human being I have met in a long time.  She found a stool to sit on and sat close to Woman #1 (her colleague) the whole first hour, leaving me to run back and forth down 2/3rds of the bar taking care of folks because she couldn't give two poops to stand up and help someone or bother to even look at the people standing at the bar with empty glasses in need of a fill, let alone a pitcher I needed to pass to her.  I ended up bringing her pitchers of beer closer to my station instead so I didn't have to run back and forth so much while she did  diddly squat.  I really didn't mind....at first.  I was having fun, first of all. But more importantly, my job here was to serve. Even as a volunteer, it was my job.  And it was more important to me that the attendees were taken care of than the frustrations I was feeling about #2.

Woman #1 checked in on me every time I stepped over to refill a pitcher. Honestly, she was pretty awesome. And I answered honestly that I was good and having a great time.  But by the third time, at the start of hour two, when she asked I told her I was frustrated.  She truly seemed concerned and asked if I was overwhelmed? I was honest with her, with Woman #2 even being in ear shot if she cared to listen.  I told her, "not at all. I'm just frustrated. But, hey. I'm a *volunteer* so I figure if I ever get frustrated enough, I can just pick up my shit and leave at any time." Still truly concerned (even more so, I'd say), she asked why.  So I explained (because I'm so timid like this, haha) that maybe if I said screw this and left, Woman #2 might actually have to step up and work some?

I daresay the looks that crossed her face in all of about 3 seconds were: surprise I said it, recognition of what I said and then a look of understanding as if she may have noticed or experienced it with #2 in the past herself.   She must have said something to #2 when I was out of earshot again because #2 ended up stepping up for a brief while.  But then she disappeared from the station altogether for the rest of the event and a couple other gentlemen employees rotated in and out instead.  It was much better after that.

Maybe Woman #2 was just over it all because it was what she did for a living after all.  Maybe she thought serving without the possibility of tips or return customers wasn't worth the same effort as a normal shift.  Who knows. But I'm assuming, as an actual employee, she must have been being paid somehow?  So find a work ethic, chick. Or next time ask to be in a station with someone who doesn't mind being walked all over instead.  Because that ain't me.

Which leads me to this one:

Con: Only being stationed with employees and not volunteers

It's a different dynamic if you have to work the shift as opposed to volunteering to be there. Employees may have just come off a shift (or double) or have to work the one after the event (or double).  It's frustrating and tiring; they're overworked and underpaid.  Volunteers are there because they want to be and bring an energy and spirit that is understandable that an employee might not.  Planners? Please always always always put at least a couple of volunteers together to at least keep that energy and fun up, if not just for the attendees but for the volunteers as well.  I pretty much felt like I worked this *by myself* yesterday.  Though all of the other employees (except Woman #2) were super sweet and nice, they mostly congregated together in the opposite corner and talked amongst themselves and I was left on the end of the bar by myself.  I'm sure if I walked down by them, they would have happily included me, but then I wouldn't have been doing my job at my station. Thankfully, I have high enough energy and can make my own fun, and talking to the folks who came up for beer was enough to keep me going. But that's not enough for some volunteers and even I have to admit it would have been nice to have another one with me by choice to be there instead of on payroll.

Pro: (figure I have to have one after that diatribe) Fun and Fantastic Brew Masters

The event featured all Georgia-based breweries and, though it didn't occur to me until later? Of *course* they were going to hang out by their beer stations now and again to overhear what folks were saying about their offerings. So I got to see and chat with a few folks from my beloved Orpheus (a couple of whom, when noticing me, asked: "hey! what are you doing here?" *grin*) and meet other really cool people from the others.  And ALL of them were so gracious and friendly and seemed appreciative of volunteer help. Some were wearing clothing from their establishment so I knew who they were when they walked up.  But some weren't. I remember one gentleman walking up to me and asking which one he should try.  I was totally in love with the Belgo Ruskie in my domain, so I explained what it was and how it was made and that it was most delicious and how he had to try it.   It was at that point that he explained it was the one from his brewery. Ha!  Got me!  (But, phew! In a good way!) We shook hands and chatted; told him how I had already met his other business partner and he thanked me because he had heard folks in the other rooms already recommending to friends to head down to Station #37 because it was coming highly recommended and there was a friendly girl behind the bar.  Heh heh. Because at these things, it's not only my job to pour a beer, but to pimp it out and make sure everyone leaves with a good impression of the experience. Right?

Which leads me to a Con. :(

Con: There was no instruction on beers or pouring

Since this is all high-gravity beer, the pours were supposed to be only 2-3 oz. each.  Alll attendees had 16 drink coupons to use.  (Thus, they chose where to "spend" them, which is why I totally pimped out my favorites.) Everyone had to use the official glass of the festival, but no one ever taught me, as volunteer, what 2-3 oz. looked like in that glass.  At Orpheus, I know where to pour in order to keep things legal.  Here? I just kind of guessed. Again, I figured if I poured too much, they could always "fire me" -- haha. But I was concerned Wrecking Pub would get in legal trouble if I served more than I should.  By hour two, I didn't care anymore though.  Figured if no one cared to instruct me, I'll just do my best on my own judgement.

In addition, the "arrive early so you can be instructed on your beers" thing?  Yeah. Never happened. Had to find a flyer myself and read up about the beers so I could at least pronounce the names right and describe them to folks. Because at specialty brewfests like these? People *want* to know.  I didn't even know where 5 out of these 6 breweries were even located in Georgia!  Thank heavens for technology: I Googled them all on my own so when people asked (and they did), I could speak intelligently on them.

That being said?  This leads to a Pro based on the above entry.

Pro: Did I mention all the proprietors I met were awesome?

When I learned the owners or brew masters of each establishment were hanging around now and again, I asked *them* instead what they would like me to tell them about their brewery if folks asked.  How I should describe their beer, when their tasting hours were, if they could be found in local stores and whatnot.  Made notes. Because I'm a geek like that. :)  I guess I just figured if I was here to serve the attendees, I was also here to serve them, too. A couple of them even came back and asked me about any feedback I might have heard when people took their first sip (the folks from Coastal Empire told me: "good, bad or ugly - spill!") and it was awesome to be able to do that for them.

Con: Break? What break?

The pre-event email mentioned someone would come around to give volunteers a break in their four hour shift. Perhaps it was because I was with real employees instead of an all-volunteer squad, but it never happened.  Granted, I didn't need one. Four hours is nothing to me.  And when I needed a restroom break, I didn't mince words: just told Woman #1 (Woman #2 was long gone) that I was stepping out for 3 minutes and would be right back.  But this is one I do put on the planners and organizers: don't forget about your volunteers.  You need them for events like these, right? And we're happy to help.  As much fun as I was having, it was a little disappointing to not get that break and actually watch other volunteers on theirs come up to sample my offerings (was pimping them out afterall haha!) and not have the chance to do the same during a brief 10-15 minute reprise.

And now, I just have to leave on a Pro.  Because it's me, of course.

Pro:  Random "hey! I know you!" sightings and invitations to other events

And this is the bonus to working events like this.  Helping out small businesses and seeing friends you already know is wonderful.  But you also never ever know who you're going to meet or run into again.  Case in point? A gentleman early in the afternoon asked for a beer, I filled it and we started talking.  He then stopped and said: "hey. I know you!"  I didn't know from where, but he did look familiar so we pondered on that. He threw out different things -- all beer related, of course. It's only natural at events like this -- and then I saw the light bulb go off on his face and he said, "wait! you're friends with (mutual friend)?"  Ding ding ding!  We had met at a Super Bowl party said friend had had at her place almost 4 years ago now.  :)  How lovely!  I asked how often he got down to this neck of the woods (mine) instead of theirs (an hour away) and he said often; there are a lot of little events here he likes to attend, many of which involve folks who like to try their hand at brewing at home and then gathering Sunday mornings before you can drink in Georgia to try each others' over a breakfast spread. (Oh, so not my cup o' tea at all) ;-)  Then he introduced me to a friend who hosts them and invited me to join anytime I want.  We exchanged contact information.  Yay, small world.

So that's that on yesterday's volunteer experience at Wrecking Bar's Second Annual Strong Beer Festival.  Would I volunteer for this event again? After writing out the Pros and Cons, I'm leaning toward yes.  The Cons I experienced could easily be overcome by considering the disappointments this year and explaining them if anyone wants feedback.  And in the end, I still had a lovely afternoon because I know, ultimately, it's always my choice to make an afternoon lovely or not.

It's always my choice to end on a Pro or a Con. :)

Story Time!

Story time!



Okay, so people just did NOT want to leave the brewery where I volunteer tonight. It was so funny.  We cut off the taps at 8pm and a half hour later, even without beer, people were still standing around, chatting, not wanting to leave.  As a volunteer, this is both frustrating when you want to go home and really tickling to see how well the place is doing!

But because of this, I was also able to walk around and actually talk a little bit to some of the patrons after my shift; more so than I can when I'm working anyway.  And a fun holiday decoration debate came up.

One woman pulled me aside and said: "Okay! Question: those icicle Christmas lights, right? The ones that dangle and look like icicles instead of just normal tree lights? Are they meant to go on the inside or outside?"

Now, I figured I was settling a bet among friends.  But I answered in the only correct way: outside, of course!  They're *icicles!* Icicles don't grow INSIDE!

"Thank you!!" she replied and promptly smacked her girlfriend and said, "See? It's OUTSIDE. So, no, you cannot put those on our tree."  I suggested a happy compromise (around the ceiling molding or breakfast bar perhaps?) and she agreed that'd be OK. But her girlfriend just looked at me with a solid stare and asked, "okay. But where is this written, huh?" And they both and their gentleman friend looked at me, on the spot I was!

I replied, lowering my voice and leaning in, "it's not actually *written*.  But there's a secret society of We Who Know who make sure it's passed down verbally like in the old days, you see."  They laughed. "Oh? A secret society?!" said girlfriend, challenging me. "I suppose that's headed by *Santa*?!"  The first woman laughed and said, "yes, of course!" and they all looked at me again.  I told them: "I can neither confirm nor deny that," flipped my hair, turned sharply away and walked off dramatically... to the sound of all of them laughing.

I'm not sure why, but I was just so tickled by the whole thing.  Maybe it was because it was so silly and fun.  And more than a little bit because I was so clearly "the help" and they still pulled me into their circle for such merriment.  But probably definitely because it just reminds me how lucky I am to have a place I get to go to have fun, meet new people, have exchanges like this and am reminded that a stranger just might always be a friend you just haven't met yet.

People are awesome.

Oh, and I'm so right about the icicle lights thing too.

Working with Millennials.... Blah Blah Blah

Go to your favorite search engine and type in "working with Millennials" and a whole bunch of pages, articles, tips and suggestions come up.  There are classes built around this topic today even: how to engage them, keep them interested or on task.  Most teach you tips on how to reach them or get the performance out of them you need in your work place.

And I'm so sick and tired of it all.

Listen, folks: I get that different generations have different upbringings.  Different technology, ways they were taught in school and definitely some advantages they can bring into a workplace being fresh and new and full of all these new things.

But where are *their* classes in working with the generations before them?  Why is it up to those who have been in the work environment long before encouraged to keep their processes in mind and not vice versa?

I'm not sure this applies to many of you, but for those of you who work in a "people industry" like I do, it does.  It's ever-changing and dynamic and I love that.  It's a whole bunch of generations working together: Boomers, X, Y, etc. And I love that too.  But this emphasis I see on how to work with the newest generation each time instead of any focus at all in working with the older ones  is starting to stick in my craw.

It's giving the perception that the generations that came before have nothing that should be adopted instead.  Case in point:  a phone call is sometimes much more warranted than an email.  But the teachings these days show each younger generation are more into emailing, texting or IMing than picking up the phone.  Should that be acceptable?  Just because it's the sign of our times, does it mean it's a *correct* sign of our times?  When each new generation graduates and comes into the work environment, do we always need to adapt to them and their ways instead of asking them to understand ours and at least meet us halfway?

I'm fortunate enough that I am one of those old dogs you can teach new tricks.  Firmly ensconced as a Gen X (didn't even have an email address until after college!), I take to technology well and have incorporated into my professional career when it didn't even exist much when said career started.  I'm also fortunate enough that I have colleagues of all these ranges and most of them seem to know when to stop clicking away in an open chat window and walk the few feet to my desk to talk in person instead. 

But the emphasis on how to work with, motivate and even *keep interested* each new generation makes me wonder.  Where did a work ethic go?  Where did the concept of  "paying your dues" and learning from older mentors get lost instead of expecting those more experienced to adapt to them instead?

And then: did *I* come off this way to the Baby Boomers too? ;-)

The Downside of Social Media

When did it become acceptable to end a personal friendship simply by unfriending them on Facebook?

Maybe I don't understand Facebook like others.  I consider it an extension of a friendship and not the friendship on a whole.  So when I have a disagreement or argument with a friend and then find they immediately unfriend me, it gets me to wondering what on earth this world is coming to sometimes.

Now, don't get me wrong.  People can unfriend for many reasons and it's totally understandable.  You meet folks at a gathering, have a fun time and add each other.  Then, weeks later realize you have really nothing in common so: unfriend.  Or you recognize you have dozens and dozens of friends in common, whether from high school or college, a social group or whatnot, so you add.  And then, weeks later realize you'll probably never interact anyway so: unfriend.   It IS a social network after all and the point is to be social.  If you're not being social, where's the point?  And in my own personal case, I totally understand why acquaintances might let me go.  I post a lot.  And I muddy up feeds.  I've had some folks tell me they're doing it because of that, or won't respond to any of my things because they hate stupid notifications they get after they do.  And that I completely get and truly appreciate when I get the messages telling me why.

But in the past year, I've also now had a few friends unfriend me without any discussion as to why and I only find out because I go to write to them and find out we're not friends anymore.  These aren't people mentioned in above scenarios; they're real friends (so to speak) that I've had for years, even decades, who I've spent time with, broke bread with, took trips with, went through the ups and downs of life with.  And then after one not-so-pleasant conversation, they decided that was enough to say no more.  Not to give me the courtesy to *tell* me no more or even why, but just to let me find out on my own and in a very public forum.

*Sigh*  I'm beginning to realize the downside of this medium.

Because in the past? Before the time of Facebook, Twitter and whatnot? If you got in a fight with a loved one, you gave each other cooling off time and then approached each other to work out whatever differences, real or perceived, were there. Now it seems it's okay to invite all your other mutual friends into your personal one-on-one issue.  Because people notice when folks aren't friends anymore.  And they ask.  Out of curiosity or concern or whatever, they ask.  It becomes a big ol' ""fuck you, I don't need you! And I don't care who knows it!"  Instead of a "hey. I just will keep some space for a while and decide whether to revisit that relationship again" on the private, personal, adult level it should be. 

Is it a flippant reaction out of anger or hurt with no thought behind it?  Perhaps.  I've had that happen to me too and, so surprised at it I was, I contacted that friend to ask if there was a way I harmed her and if there was a way I could make amends had I.  She instantly responded that she was so sorry she had done it; it was in a moment of confusion and the fact I reached out made her realize I really did care for her.  I was tickled to accept her friend request again.  I think we're even better friends today after that.

But it's really a hard way to test a friendship.  Not that any of these people are consciously doing that -- I'm just asking: when did it become acceptable to end a personal friendship in this way instead of picking up the phone, sending an email or even a letter?  Social media makes it far too easy to decide not to work through problems and just to say screw it.  And as much as I love the medium, that makes me very sad. 

I'm Calling a Mulligan...Or Not.

What the hell even.



Man, it's been a year.

Not a calendar year, mind you. But damn. In the last 12 months, it's been a "What the hell even" kind of year.

An accident where I broke my jaw and got wired shut for a month.  Then, seven months later getting shingles (seriously?! SHINGLES?! Am I even old enough for that crap?!) and honestly wanting someone to kill me the first few days I had them, they were that horrible. (I swear it might have been worse than the wiring shut, it was that bad). And then my dear, dear Aunt passing away.  Just like Daddy, the time between diagnosis and Final Call was weeks, not months or years. So unfair.  And a dear, dear friend losing her own best friend in the same way.

What the hell even.




WTH.

Shouldn't there be some sort of reprise for this? A "Get Out of Jail" card that says: you've had enough!  We'll wait 'til next year for more of this craptastic stuff because you've had enough already?!

Funny, though.  Reprises come in unexpected ways even when you're that pissed at the whole gaddangged world.  Even when life is shit like that (pardon my French)?

I had:

A friend who took me to lunch with his friends and said, "I got this. You've been through enough. Save your money."

A colleague who I didn't think even knew what I'd been going through who came by my desk and remembered enough to say: "your aunt? I'm so sorry. She was the one who always sent you the religious charms and prayer books right?"

 (And makes  you cry. In a good way.)

A sister who sends you pictures of your beloved nephew just to make you smile.

And a brother who tells you to suck it up (kindly) and sends you silly cards just to make you smile. And, well, to suck it up. :)

And friends. Like all y'all who send private messages of love and support through it all.  Or post things on my social media pages saying "this reminds me of you."  Or even, "get the hell over this shit, Stacy, you can do it!" Or "A day without Stacy's silliness is missed."


And I realize that even if I want a "do over" in many ways, in others I don't.

I'd SO love to call a mulligan on this entire past year.  But only because of my own pain and suffering and for those of my friends' and family.  Because, otherwise,  if I had to do a "do over" on it all?


I probably would have forgotten or taken for granted how lucky I am to have all y'all in my life.  Thank you all.


But, on an aside?

I HATE golf. Can't believe I even know that term enough to use it here even.  Next thing you know, I'll be throwing out NASCAR terms too. ;-)

You want to live where I live. Trust me. :)

This evening I did a shot in honor of Wisconsin's brilliant judgement tonight for equal rights (can I get a woo hoo?) but then I decided I needed a beer to follow up. Had none (bad planning Stacy), but there are $2 bullets at the convenience store just a 2-block walk down the street (don't judge: I'm a city girl) so threw on the flip flops and walked down for my chaser.

On the way, I stopped and chatted with two gentlemen about this most serious conundrum: capris and whether men should wear them or not? And if the answer is yes, does the shoe choice matter?  Discuss.  ;-)

Saw another man "vogue-ing" in front of me as we passed a club playing that Madonna song, yelled out loud I was vogue-ing behind him and he turned around and we had a 3-minute dance routine on the sidewalk as folks stopped and laughed and joined in as his companion clapped on in glee.  Got applause, but no money thrown.  Dangit. Gotta try harder next time. ;-)

On my way home, I was behind two beautiful women with their escort so remarked, "I'm a fast walker, so I'd usually ask ya'll to step aside or move faster, but the view here made me rethink that."

They all turned around, laughed out loud and then stopped and stood and chatted for about 15 minutes before we all left onward to our own destinations. 

Oh! Oh, folks, this is what's life about.

Have fun. Connect.  Talk to strangers, make each other smile.

We're all in it for the long run. Let's make it nice. :)