It’s Christmas and here I am, writing a blog, thanks to some very persuasive sistas who hold me accountable for such things. It’s snowing here in
But, as typical, I’ve already digressed from my topic. Which was… Christmas. I think. I was supposed to spend it with a friend today but, due to the aforementioned weather, decided to stay in instead. If I hadn’t spun out on the interstate a couple weeks ago (still think His finger was on my cartop on that one), I’m sure I would have, as I was looking forward to it most of the week. But, as situations changed, I’m home. And I also have to admit: I do not mind.
For many, many years I did not like this season. I still don’t like Christmas music even (the iPod’s on…but it’s very doubtful any Christmas tunes will show up on Shuffle). And I know that makes me sound all scrooge-y and bah-hum-bug-y, but it is just that at this time of year, 14 years ago, Dad passed. We had learned that Thanksgiving back in 1996 that Dad only had “weeks to months” to live, when the year had opened without even knowing he was sick. He passed away not three weeks later, smack between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was so entirely self-centered and bitter and sad for years. I didn’t celebrate. I didn’t send out cards. And Lord knows I didn’t want to hear a darned Christmas song, for pete’s sake.
Slowly but surely, I grew out of that. I met good friends who pulled me out of that self-centered world and helped me to learn to like the season again. I am a card freak; they’re usually written out before Dec. 1 these days. I love ornaments and lights and presents and gatherings and trees and the snowman figure I get from Mom every year (opening photo is this year's addition). Still hate the Christmas music (though iTunes did just pop up Dar William’s live version of “Christians and the Pagans” – ha! Well done, fates!)…but I reckon that will come at some point, too. Or not.
The thing is, I don’t mind being alone on this holiday. Back when I was in college, I worked security and often had to work the shift in order to keep my job. As I was three hours from home anyway, I would take on double shifts so that others closer could actually spend their day with family (it wasn’t completely selfless; 32 hours in two days makes for a nice paycheck for a 20-year-old college kid). It was just "what happens" sometimes and for some folks. And for as much as I didn’t like “the season” for so many years, I do tend to keep the spirit in my heart all year ‘round. (Plus, this year it doesn't hurt that I get to see my Mom and little brother in Phoenix 4 days into the new year!)
Again, I digress. In the past 24 hours, I have been tickled beyond belief. Have been on the phone non-stop (and for someone who hates being on the phone, that’s a feat), talking, texting up a storm and, okay – yes – Facebooking, too. But I had so much company even on a day I didn’t really need it, that I feel so entirely blessed. I got random messages from friends I hadn’t heard from in a while and invites to gatherings I never expected. I did get sentiments of sympathy for my solo state, but I understood those too: I get that this time of year does make people feel a little lonely and they might not understand that I wasn't feeling the same. I fully expect some of those who did may not be doing so again in the Spring. And that’s okay, too.
I guess what my rambling is coming down to is that, alone and cozy in a place I love, in the home of friends I adore and surrounded with tweets and messages and camera phone sends that weren’t here this time all those 14 years ago when I first lost touch of my love for this time of year? Well, I didn’t think I missed it. I learned this year how blessed I am to have actually found something I didn’t know I lost.
Merry Christmas, my dear friends!
