Now at 40, there are tips I'd love to give to my younger self.
2. Never delete old photographs. I came across a scrapbook lately in where I put in a photo, writing: "I hate this picture, but a friend told me it's her favorite, so I'm including it, hoping I'll like it someday." Someday is 5 years later now....and I actually do. So keep 'em all. It might surprise you.
3. Sometimes it's OK to give someone a second chance, even against the advice of other friends. Sometimes it does work out.
4. Sometimes it's OK not to. Don't kick yourself about it; just move on.
5. There will always be people who bring up things that happened in the past, assuming that something you did or something you said years ago still defines who you are today. Pay those folks no mind. I've found those who want to be recognized that they've changed are often the ones who don't accept others do.
6. It's a waste of time to feel guilty about what you ate. It's done. Do better tomorrow.
7. The grass is never greener than in your own yard. It may look like it from your front porch looking out toward theirs, but you have no idea what's going on underneath their lawns or what they have to put on it to keep it looking that way. Tend your own yard instead.
8. A friend recently tweeted: "the only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it." It's true.
9. You can wear any damn color at any time of the year you want to.
10. Hair does grow back. Cut bangs for kicks now and again.
11. Set yourself a simple goal you can achieve: do something once a year you wouldn't be able to do if you weren't here. I started that in college: one year, I got SCUBA certified as class credit; another I joined a sorority. Each year since I've tried something new: vacationing on my own, letting someone throw me out of an airplane (er...yes, with parachute), trying on-line dating. It doesn't matter if what you try ends up being something you stick with. Just try something new every year just for kicks.
12. When all is said and done, as long as you're not hurting anyone else, who cares what other people think?
13. Your family does not need to be your friends.
14. Even those you admire fuck up now and again. Try not to be pissed at them for it.
15. You can survive almost anything if you put your mind to it. Those broken hearts you suffered? Those pink slips that came across your desk? You'll get through it. You will. And each time you do, you'll know if it happens again, that you can do it again.
16. Please never set an age time line for yourself. When you set those parameters, it's stress you don't need. To have this career at this age? Or a home or a spouse or X.x kids? You miss out on what could actually be happening at that time. Life has no time line based on age. Work for your goals, but do not set an age limit on them.
17. You're worth more than a booty call.
18. Your family CAN be your friends.
19. Even if you're not first attracted to that person, take the date.
20. You will *never* feel "attractive enough." Even the friends I know who are gorgeous and clever and funny never feel that way about themselves either. The ones you are envious of -- for their curves, or their hair, or their flat bellies or their MBA degrees -- even they feel they're not "attractive enough." So stop waiting until you are and just love yourself for who you are.
21. The best girl friends you'll ever meet are the ones you just randomly sat down next to at a bar one day.
22. Never be afraid to go out on your own. Whether it's to have a dinner out, a beer at a bar, a play you've wanted to see. You never know who you might meet that night. Or you'll never know the great time you could have had if you had just sat home instead.
23. Being single is not a bad thing.
24. Get further education from high school. Whether it's college, a trade, the military: whatever. People say a bachelor's degree is "a dime a dozen" these days -- it's not. And an associate degree or technical degree experience is extremely worthwhile. Find something you love and invest in yourself.
25. If you still have your favorite stuffed animal as an adult? It's okay. :-)
26. Learn how to pour a beer without it overflowing. If you still miss on champagne? It's okay.
27. Your dreams will change over the course of your lifetime. At one point, you may have wanted to be a teacher. Or a doctor. Or a musician. But those dreams can change as you do and if anyone tries to say to you: "but what about that dream you had?" Remember it's okay that it may not be the same one you had a year or so ago. It does not make you a failure. It means you've changed. And that's more than OK.
28. Never stop reading or learning.
29. TV is not bad. Folks who claim "oh, I don't even HAVE a TV!" and act like they're superior for it? Don't feel like you're inferior. TV can be a great educational tool...as long as you're not watching "Jersey Shore" 24 hours a day, that is. ;-)
30. I've been to the Jersey Shore. That's not reality, folks. Don't believe everything you see or read.
31. Give an effort to love your own country. So many folks want to travel and explore other countries and that's great! But recognize -- wherever you live -- how amazing your own can be, too.
32. Mentor someone. You may have gone it alone yourself, but even if you have (especially if you have?) the best thing you can do for another person is to mentor them without expecting something in return.
33. Give in to a good cry now and again. It doesn't make you weak; it makes you human. And that's an amazing thing.
34. Have faith in a higher power.
35. Being vulnerable is not a weakness; it actually takes a strong person to show a vulnerable side. And the people you don't think would relate to you may often become your biggest supporters.
36. We all hear about "random acts of kindness" -- so much that it almost seems cliche now. But it's not. You know how I said once a year, do something different you've never done before? Once a week, just do something kind for someone. Leave a notecard on a colleague's desk saying he's appreciated. Offer to pet sit when she's going out of town. Tell a random stranger you pass on the street that you love his shoes. You never know what kind of day someone is having and what a nice gesture could mean to them.
37. Hang up your cellphone when you get to the check out lane at the grocery store. There is nothing that cannot wait for those few minutes it takes to scan your groceries. The person behind any checkout counter is *a person.* Don't dismiss them -- or anyone who serves you, be it there, at a restaurant, at your oil change place -- as some"thing" that is there to do their job. They are human beings. And at one point in your life, at your first job at 16 or even now today, YOU have been there before and people may have dismissed you as a "servant." Remember how that felt and respect the people who are there to serve you, even if you just think it's "their job." Always thank the person who bags your groceries.
38. Never underestimate the smile you can bring to another. I have a Facebook page (if you're reading this, you may know that!) but every time I post something silly or fun or "Today! In History...!" I have no idea who is reading it or not. In the past week, no less than 4 people -- who never comment on those silly posts -- told me they get smiles from it, or go explore from it, or even just check in every day to see something silly. You may never know how much you uplift other people just in being yourself. Just do it anyway.
39. Chance encounters are not. People are in your life for a reason.
40. There's no one in your life who can inspire you or define you or mean more to you than yourself. Listen to your heart, your mind, your feelings. YOU matter.
