If I were President...

IF I WERE PRESIDENT...



1. All wine would come with screw-off caps.

2. Or in a box.

3. The day after election day would be a national holiday so we could all celebrate or mourn properly.

4. All cars would come with a switch that automatically turns your blinker off if you drive completely straight forward for more than a mile.

5. The art of cursive handwriting would still be taught.

6. And each letter learned would be awarded in chocolate.  Or an orange.

7. You'd be able to go to the grocery store and buy eggs in singles, much like you could apples or tomatoes or "choose your own 6-pack".

8. The #2 pencil would be abolished.

9. Refillable pencils as well, for that matter.

10. Shoot, ALL pencils.

11. Except colored ones. They can stay.

12. Warm climates would have imported snow once a year for a month so folks there could experience the joy of building a snowman.

13. Cold climates are OK on their own. Global warming and all.

14. We'd get stickers for everything! Not only "I voted", but "I got groceries today!" or "I picked up the dry cleaning!" or even "I had a good poo!"

15. Hurricanes, earthquakes and tornadoes would be outlawed.  They'd be slapped with a fine if they showed up.

16. People who wake you up by vacuuming before 8am will be mandated to come do your place as well.

17. Chocolate (or oranges) will be distributed with every paycheck.

18. No one would mess with Texas.

19. Everyone would mess with France.

20. And vouchers would be handed out for anyone who didn't have a sense of humor so they could possibly understand mine in a post like this.

Happy Election Day, my friends! No matter what the results tomorrow, may we all remember that we're all in this together and 11/7/12 is a Coming Back Together to support the amazing country where we live. God bless!