Question: At what point does it become okay to call the parents of your friends by their given names instead of "Mr." or "Mrs." [enter last name here]?
Is it when you reach a certain age? Is it when they tell you, "please; call me [enter first name here] instead of mister or missus"? Somewhere in between?
Naturally, all circumstances are different. Some kids these days grew up calling their parents' friends by their first names. Shoot, some kids grew up calling their *own* parents by their first names instead of Mom or Dad. But in my generation, neither of those things were done. You called your own friends your own age by their given names, but not adults.
I liked the tradition up north where I grew up: adults who weren't family but were much closer than, say, acquaintances, got the title of Aunt and Uncle before their name. I grew up referring to my parents' friends across the street as Uncle Les and Aunt Angie; my sister's Godparents were Uncle Dick and Aunt Joycee.I think it was a beautiful way to handle the circumstance: the adults deserved the respect of children not using solely their familiar given name, but also taught us that these folks deserved the respect that came with a title, so to speak, before it.
I think it's why I also adore the traditional way of doing it here in the South too. I would feel very uncomfortable if my friends had their minor children call me solely by my given name (I'm not a classmate, afterall), but I would feel just as uncomfortable if they called me "Miss Fox." And that's where I adore the "Miss Stacy" term. Even if I were married, I like the "Miss Stacy" -- to me, it's like showing respect for me as an adult, but also feeling I'm someone closer to their family and their parents than, say, their carpool party.
There are always exceptions to the rules. For example, my friend Sue has two grown daughters who have always only known me just as Stacy and that feels perfectly okay when I hear it from them -- probably because Sue has always felt like a sister and when I visited them when they were young and they ran up to me with a hug calling, "Stacy!" it made me grin. But if I came to visit and their friends were there of the same age? Even if they hugged me, saying "welcome, Stacy!", I'd think it was too familiar for their friends to call me by that without having ever met me before.
Another. My friend Sarah's kids call me Foxy. Yes, mostly because that's what their mama calls me. :-) But even that's okay with me because it's not my given name like they use with their friends, and that's the distinction. I'd be surprised if they even knew my given name.
So, when, exceptions aside, is it really okay to start using familiar names with your friends' parents after you're an adult? If you're already an adult when you meet them and they say, in the case of my friend Hilary's mother on first meeting, "Hi! Pleasure to meet you. Please call me Maryanne," it's cut and dry. But in the case of a family you've known since you were 6 years old and that wasn't the case, when does that change? Or does it? Do you wait for the invitation from them to call them by their name or, now into your 30s or 40s and an adult in your own right, ask if it's okay to do it?
I have to admit, I giggle about it. Because I can't make the leap myself but try to do it in different ways. I can't call my friend Lisa's parents "Mr. and Mrs. Latimer" anymore without feeling awkward -- but I can't call them "John and Peggy" either. I kinda went halfway and now just call them "Mr. and Mrs. L." And I saw when that same friend became friends with my Mom on Facebook the other day, she left a message saying: "Nice to see you, Mrs. Fox!" and that kind of warmed my heart; she didn't use "Dorothy" but chose that instead. It kinda made me think that her parents obviously raised her right; that anyone of the generation before you should give you their permission to use their given name before you just do it.
Is this just a my generation thing? Or perhaps something I need to change my mindset about?
No comments:
Post a Comment