When did it become acceptable to end a personal friendship simply by unfriending them on Facebook?
Maybe I don't understand Facebook like others. I consider it an extension of a friendship and not the friendship on a whole. So when I have a disagreement or argument with a friend and then find they immediately unfriend me, it gets me to wondering what on earth this world is coming to sometimes.
Now, don't get me wrong. People can unfriend for many reasons and it's totally understandable. You meet folks at a gathering, have a fun time and add each other. Then, weeks later realize you have really nothing in common so: unfriend. Or you recognize you have dozens and dozens of friends in common, whether from high school or college, a social group or whatnot, so you add. And then, weeks later realize you'll probably never interact anyway so: unfriend. It IS a social network after all and the point is to be social. If you're not being social, where's the point? And in my own personal case, I totally understand why acquaintances might let me go. I post a lot. And I muddy up feeds. I've had some folks tell me they're doing it because of that, or won't respond to any of my things because they hate stupid notifications they get after they do. And that I completely get and truly appreciate when I get the messages telling me why.
But in the past year, I've also now had a few friends unfriend me without any discussion as to why and I only find out because I go to write to them and find out we're not friends anymore. These aren't people mentioned in above scenarios; they're real friends (so to speak) that I've had for years, even decades, who I've spent time with, broke bread with, took trips with, went through the ups and downs of life with. And then after one not-so-pleasant conversation, they decided that was enough to say no more. Not to give me the courtesy to *tell* me no more or even why, but just to let me find out on my own and in a very public forum.
*Sigh* I'm beginning to realize the downside of this medium.
Because in the past? Before the time of Facebook, Twitter and whatnot? If you got in a fight with a loved one, you gave each other cooling off time and then approached each other to work out whatever differences, real or perceived, were there. Now it seems it's okay to invite all your other mutual friends into your personal one-on-one issue. Because people notice when folks aren't friends anymore. And they ask. Out of curiosity or concern or whatever, they ask. It becomes a big ol' ""fuck you, I don't need you! And I don't care who knows it!" Instead of a "hey. I just will keep some space for a while and decide whether to revisit that relationship again" on the private, personal, adult level it should be.
Is it a flippant reaction out of anger or hurt with no thought behind it? Perhaps. I've had that happen to me too and, so surprised at it I was, I contacted that friend to ask if there was a way I harmed her and if there was a way I could make amends had I. She instantly responded that she was so sorry she had done it; it was in a moment of confusion and the fact I reached out made her realize I really did care for her. I was tickled to accept her friend request again. I think we're even better friends today after that.
But it's really a hard way to test a friendship. Not that any of these people are consciously doing that -- I'm just asking: when did it become acceptable to end a personal friendship in this way instead of picking up the phone, sending an email or even a letter? Social media makes it far too easy to decide not to work through problems and just to say screw it. And as much as I love the medium, that makes me very sad.
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